Your attention please: what I have to say is completely unimportant.

I've written (ranted?) once before about the fact that on public transport you get told things just for the sake of it.  Tonight, as I headed home on the tube, either the driver was a reader of my blog, saw me get on, and has a sense of humour (three unlikely caveats), or I got conclusive proof.

We had been stopped at Gloucester Road, heading west, and it wasn't clear why.  The driver had come on and told us as much.

"I'm not sure what the delay is, ladies and gents.  I think there must just be some traffic heading into Earl's Court." So far, so useful.

But I kid you not; I promise you this is 100% true: the next thing he said was, " While we're sitting here, I'll play you some announcements. "

No way! Like, we were short of distraction or something.  As though our iPods had run out of power, or those of us having conversations had run short of things to say.  Honest to God: " While we're sitting here, I'll play you some announcements ."

And then he clearly hit "play".  The next thing we heard was, "There are beggars and buskers operating on this train.  Please do not encourage them." And then, moments later, "For safety reasons, smoking is not allowed on any part of the underground."

Thank our lucky stars, the congestion apparently cleared moments later, and we were off on our way again. And he must have hit "pause" before we moved.

Seriously. It's just not possible to make this stuff up.